does anyone even care...

everyone just disappears...





everyone just ignores you...




nothing seems to make sense anymore...





even the right words seem so wrong...





someone tell me what's so wrong...





bah! okies.. rubbbish, you can choose to ignore this.. bla bla.. hmms or not. okies, so i skipped school today, but i studied 2lousy chapters of physics.. that's all, i know i can do much better.. *sigh* i need to push myself harder.. i'm so slack..
i think it's just gonna be like the o levels again...
but that was different, i studied hard.. dint do well.. studied even harder..
this time.. im' not even studying hard.. even if i dont do well, i might not be motivated to study hard... i've lost the drive, the will to work hard.. isn't it funny, i think the education system jus wears you out over the years... i wonder how some people are so driven to continue studying, maybe it's cos they have aspirations they are willing to fight for..

while me... i dont have much for now. although i wanna get into aerospace engineering, which is definitely a difficult course to enter, i dont see myself having an occupation in future, at least one i can imagine myself or dream to be... if only i had these.. bah! okies, gonna study through the night, got to force myself.

oh yeah, might be doing like 5hours of cip everyday until next week so i can clock up 40hours.. hopefully i wont be too worn out that i can't study... geesh, let's pray hard. especially for my f maths.. dont know how to improve it.. god bless me man... or someone teach me.. if it's not too late.. which i think it isn't...

....

i wish i could turn back time... and change almost everything that has happened...

*sigh*... about 2weeks left to prelims and i'm so unprepared.. i just dont have the strength to study hard, i can't find my source of motivation... someone help me.. geesh...

nuthin much to blog.. just realli studied today.. i feel it man.. i feel so good studying so much. ;D

looking forward to my self-declaration of a break.. yippeee... hope i can study 12hours a day after that.. gotta start planning my timetable oredi. hope i can achieve my aims this time. yuppers.. okies.. that's all i have to say today.. i'm really really mentally exhausted. *yawn*

nite nite peepz... :)

yeah yeah went out today!!! haha.. but i haven't studied since friday.. been slacking around so much..
friday went to watch bewitched, not nice! not funny. dont watch.. trust me.haha... den went swimming with herng yih and grace.. woah! super tiring la please.. i mean i haven't exercised for ages... and i was like using breast stroke to catch up them can? haha.. they both were swimming with frontcrawl.. bah! den met huifen and junie on the way to interchange.. haha.. long time never see her.. i still think she has grown tallers...

saturday.. i slept the whole day, in the end never go church, i think my god-sister pissed with me.. haha cos i pang seh her.. ah... that's all, wanted to study but i just ended up watching tv the whole night.. so i dint mug through the night.. wahaha

sunday, whee! went to takashimaya toy fair today. was supposed to meet up with huiting at 12noon but i went at like 1220 :X haha. but she only waited 5mins.. and she still can complain i very late.. haha. never see her very long, since like last year after the attachment programme ended. and to my surprise we actually have so much much much much much in common.. like everything.. wahha okies. so went to look at toys with her.. and she bought 2tomtom snails.. whatever tomtom is.. and 1notepad and something which i can't remember.. haha i bought 8luffy toy figurines.. there were only 8 out of the 16 left la.. so sadx.. :'( *sobx* some people stole the Luffy A and Zoro A figurines.. no more.. and xiangmin has them.. grrr! okays.. so never mind, after that me n huiting went to meet her kindergarden friend and they tot i couldnt speak in chinese or even listen.. haha! damn funny.. den we ate at this new japanese stall opposite yoshinoya(at takashimaya).. man, it's so god damn fabulous, i'm like still thinking about it.. really fantastic! *2thumbs up* haha i recommend everyone to go eat.. yum yum! i ate the beef pepper rice.. they serve it in like some kind of "electromagnetic" hotstove thingy (basically hot plate? haha) with cooked rice and cooked corn.. den they put raw beef on top of it.. so you have to stir it,mix it.. den the beef will get cooked.. really nice! peppery yet sweet taste.. yummy! would luv to go eat it sumday again! yum yum.... ok.. that's all for today..

I'M REALLY GOING TO STUDY NOW. like thru the nite i hope... i really hope :D perhaps admire my toy figurines at the same time.. haha, okies that's all folks. :P

*to let my emotions run me over, or to control them before i get hurt all over again*

hmmms... sometimes it's just so much better never to hold any feelings or any sort.. be the heartless person.. haha.. ahhh! but i'm too sensitive oredi.. how i wish... hmms

ah wells.. have been trying to study hard the past few days.. slacked throughout the whole national day holiday and the weekend.. tried to make up for it.. hmms.. i also got nothing to say... haha..
i'm thankful for all the friends i have.. my stomach feels very bad these few days( it is right now..) boohoo.. i think it's all the spicy food i've been taking it.. ah! sensitive person with a sensitive stomach.. i'm totally sensitive.. mwahaha.. ok spastic. ah wells.. i got nothing much to blog about today.. must MUG MUG MUG!

Sometimes.. I really wonder, why the guilty ones defend themselves so strongly... haha. now people are calling this thing childish when they've been doing it for almost 2years to come.. anyway, the bitch(5th party) from what I've heard.. has been disliked in her secondary school, cause she's a hell big backstabber.. haha. no wonder she's trying to defend herself so strongly.

But I guess the main reason why she's doing that so can stick with the gang of four... she doesn't wanna lose their friendship, so she can continue backstabbing them... haha. i've never seen someone so low-down, you backstab someone... and you wanna make friends with them even more so you can dig out their secrets and tell others behind their backs... interesting way to do things. I bet you must be trying to reason with them how innocent you are...

Guess what, I'm very sure of my facts, cause you told them to me... or shld i say my ex and she told me... so any interval that the words might have gotten twisted would either be right from mouth or hers... so ya.. sorry. but it's against my principles to lie... I dont LIE,not like some people who lie to themselves to their whole life..
you say not everyone wants to be with popular people.. i guess this is a very perfect example of the pot calling the kettle black.. cause it jolly well seems you're backstabbing those 4 and you're saying i wanna be with popular people... in the first place whose famous in this school? i dont need to be with popular people, all i need are people whom i can TRUST and not find and dig out people's secrets so i spill them out behind their backs... so way interesting the way you work. KUDOS!!! to your backstabbing abilities... i'm sure u can grow up to have an occupation like a... hmmm... a liar! a very good one indeed... hmmm or maybe you were calling yourself famous and me wanting to be your friend? haha.. i rather not.. not any time... in FACT,NEVER!

and another thing.... i've already told my classmate that i've backstabbed her last time and i was sorry, i decided to be a FRIEND and tell her what her FLAWS were, rather than backstab her,that's not a FRIEND... a FRIEND'S one that tells your your FLAWS.to tell you the truth, cause of this incident.. she and i have actually becum much closer friends, i would luv to thank you very much for that.

just remember this, Your "Friends of four" are so gonna get backstabbed by you again... by your lousy bitch mouth.. remember you told me. "they all only have 1mind, if one person says something, they all remember" haha.. that's where i learnt to quote that they have 1mind cause it's so correct but i've never tot of something like that.. but thanks for giving me that information. oh and regarding the incident that my friend left his phone lying around doesnt gif u the authority to "Spy on their things and deprive them of their privacy"... hmmm... wonder who is the childish one.. haha so funny la... really "pot calling the kettle black" the pot's gotta be really black...

funny thing is.. you all have been commenting on the r/ships of others like you disagree and you think that couple wont be compatible.. realli itchy mouths you FIVE have.. you all think you're GOD deciding who can and who cant? this is so crappy... you know, haha people were surprised when i told them that the bitch was a really good backstabber... my friend went.. "what!?! she's that kinda person?" i guess everybody knows now.. in due time.. people will really understand what you all are like... pretending to be NICE to EVERYBODY so you can get FAMOUS... oh wait.. that's 4of you all... the 5TH person's just a DOG following them around and LICKING THEIR BOOTS and SNIFFING THEIR ASSES where ever they go.. wonder who has a worst mind... wait i mean NO MIND...

anyways.. i got nothing much left to say right now, at least i know what i did last time and whether it's factual.. cos rumours are NEVER factual... especially when you get a bunch of 5PEOPLE talking about it.. cause THREE OUT OF THE FIVE were all BIG RUMOUR-SPREADING BACKSTABBERS in their school.. after all, i have friends from their secondary school...just my luck to know these "FAMOUS" people.. haha

P.S, whoever i choose to pick an arguement with(not a fight if your english is fantastically grammatically perfect but i guess it aint) aint up to your opinion, so stop being GOD and being so childish commenting on every single thing people do.. I dint pick an arguement with you to begin with i said FOUR.. no mention of BITCH.. but you wanted to JOIN along and become FAMOUS... so just STFU.

haha... very funny sia. some people told me not to bitch about them and put words in their mouth when their own circle of friends told me that they bitched about me... saying i'm a flirt in the school and all... saying i jio dem and when i failed i when to another person...

the real story is, i dint wanna jio that person after i realised she wasnt COMPATIBLE with me... and the next person i jio-ed actually LIKED me for a period... cause she confessed she had a CRUSH on me, but i shall not brood about it.. but you see.. it was definitely cause of the PEER PRESSURE she was facing that she decided to ignore me... which led to the start of rumours of me being a flirt... I've heard the whole story, and we all know ourselves whats true and whats not...

also.. i remember saying 4girls gossiping about me in school... not 5, i dint know a 5th person wanted to get herself involved... I mean she can get herself involved... haha. guess what.. she's the biggest backstabber of them all.. can you believe it... i dint wanna bad mouth about her, i actually had a good impression of her until she talked about me... I dint even mention about her in any of my blog entries... realli funny...

you know.. there's this quote in the bible.. something about noticing the LOG in YOUR EYE before noticing the SPECK in someone else' eye... what that means is we gotta realise about our own WEAKNESSES and FLAWS before noticing and BITCHING about the FLAWS of OTHERS! haha... now i know why some people name themselves BITCHES... they dont even realise their own flaws.. i admit mine.. I'm open-minded,sociable,loud... and just extremely friendly and OVER-TRUSTING.. but i definitely learnt one great lesson... there are always gonna be bitches who wanna ruin your reputation... people say others talk bad about you cause THESE people are just JEALOUS... I guess so... but i shall not be bothered...

you know... my friends told me i'd be ruining my r/ships with these people upon blogging this, and you know what... i dont even know why i'm doing this... i shldnt. i realli need to go for CONFESSION... i really feel so sinful right now... Mr.Tan says there's something called KARMA... what goes around just comes back to you... I guess you've been backstabbing thousands of people in your school.. it's time you get yours... I'm so sorry to say that. To add to that.. you all have 1mind... so each person has about one-quarter of a mind, wonder who the MASTERMIND is who controls the rest like zombies or even drones... you all aren't strong enuff to haf your own DECISIONS... whatever others say you believe... my god.. i really got nothing to say.. anyways,your own group of "friends" actually backstab you behind your back right.. so cool.. or is it the 5th party? hmmmsss.. the jealous one that i dint blog about and wanted to get herself involved. ah wells... nothing left to say

I dont wanna hate anyone,this the 1st time I've really hated someone cause I know they did something wrong to me which aint true. I've prayed and cried so many times to the Lord that people stop backstabbing me, but it just aint gonna happen... until people learn to keep their comments to themselves, cause people who know me... KNOW me... I dont give my close friends such an impression... sadly. Like I once said, "Dont Judge A Book By Its Cover". The world's stereotype and discriminative.. haha.. or perhaps cause I'm a EURASIAN and these people are racist... hmmms.

Okay, I shall stop bloggin... got nothing left to say..

*I'm really glad we broke up,cause you made me realise that I can't trust me, and perhaps you've never placed that trust in me. I pray to the LORD to forgive this people and I hope to make peace with them, not war. I dont wanna hate...

man... i'm finally feeling TIRED, haha. can you believe it? i slept at like 4am last night la, dont know doing what shit oso... not that i was studying or anything. did all my school work until 12am den chatted online until 2am cause my mama wasn't home yet at that time last night! yippeeee... but when she came home she started nagging.. haha.
after which, i went to read through the physics of fluids notes i think? haha.. i think i forgot what i learnt already,anyways was starving like mad so i went to the 24hr-coffeeshop to eat... came home had stomach problems so i was in the toilet for over an hour or so...
went to read my story book before deciding to sleep.. haha. that was all i did... but amazingly i wasn't tired the whole day and i woke up on time!.. kind of.. haha... hmmms had gastric problem today cos i dint haf lunch :'( ah wells, i think i'll go try find sumthin to study now...
so thats all.. tata!

yeah yeha... did finish my nuclear physics tutorial, completed my organic revision thingy which i'm supposed to hand in to mdm neo tomorrow morning... haha. althou' i skipped question 3. and completed my gp draft thingy... kind of.. i'm screwed..hmms

yeah,while searching for articles, i dint know the homosexual circle in Singapore is so LARGE, seriously... it's disgusting just thinking about it. homos are okay i guess, just not the desperate ones... there are just too many desperate gays roaming about in Singapore looking for other guys... grrr.... haha.. that's all i have to say now, dont' wanna get stalked or anything... man... hmms.. think i'll go off to reading my book or something..

Yoyo.. have been eating like expensive meals the last couple of days, which I forgot to mention...
I ate ramen yesterday at far east... wooo, tom yam chicken cutlet, although the menu said it was supposedly the most spicy, it wasn't.. haha but the chicken cutlet was really really great, that meal sure cost me alot.
Oh yeah, went to buy Hong Yi's present yesterday.. haha.. it's a sexy yellow g-string, and guess what, it has straps along it to be tied to the dick.. haha,so gonna parade him around school during recess with that on his head on tuesday.. mwahaha! yeah, den bought this rubber doll condom for him, it has a birdie picture on it... since I always call him "Ah Bird" and vice versa.. hahah! I'm sure he's so gonna enjoy his present...
Ok.. I ate ikea the day before, ate the roast beef or something with broccoli soup... although the colour would turn anyone off(it's really green!), but it tastes exactly like mushroom soup... Yummy! would luv to have another soup of it.. yummy
Now now.. lemme think what else I did yesterday.. oh, just attended the straits times recuit seminar at suntec, went late so I missed alot.. haha thought it was just some exhibition but there was this REALLY GOOD speaker giving a talk so yeah... ah wells. thats all I did yesterday.. boring.. haha... Gonna try to mug today! ok that's all for today... =P