I remember how nothing seemed to worry us when we were young. All we had to do.. was just play, have fun and never be bothered by any matters of the heart. Nowadays,as you grow older, it seems too much to take, all these feelings twirling and swirling. Man, I had this feeling.. like so blardy moody. God knows why I feel this way...if everything could just stop being this way.. I wanna be happy.. I just wanna be happy and contented with everything. :(

I dont know if my legs getting better or it's the same now... zzz. This sucks. I wanna get well.. I wanna start running and swimming. I wanna be fit. I wanna feel good.. Man, I need to workout alot more..

I dont know what to do with my life.. Just hope I can move out of here and start somewhere new..

Sigh.. just chatted with one of my juniors. I can't help it.. everytime I just keep looking back. What if.. all the "What if I went here,did this etc. etc."

Firstly, what if I never dropped Higher Chinese.. I would have gotten to TJC, I'd most probably have gotten better grades,get a scholarship, go overseas, come back and have job stability.

So I went to TPJC and I had a what if... sigh. it should have never happened, i should have studied the last bit for my chemistry. it's over though. :S I got a C for chem. It seriously sucks, sigh... think I disappointed my tutor even more.

But to really look on the bright side, I'm doing a course which I'll definitely be interested in. But.. I really wanna go to London. Should I just apply to Imperial first? I really dont know.. someone, give me advice please.. :S

My leg hurts like crap.. I realli hope it's just a strain/sprain just as the doctor said.. :(
I dont wanna go into operation again.. but this time it's the hamstring tt hurts.. I need an MRI scan or something.. dear lord.. please please.

This sucks.
Zzz... I dont even know what to talk about on this blog.. haha. Anyways, cos of the damn army, I tore my ligament.. why?

I joined rugby earlier this year.. and some asshole step on my leg but it was nothing then as I went to SGH A&E and the doctor said it was nothing but just a sprained.. even my camp Medical Officer(MO) examined my leg and said there was nothing wrong. I was forced into marching for SAF day and NDP which of course I so not regret doing cause I dont need to see my boss' lousy face. Anyways.. somewhere between marching training and 1 Armour Road Relay Training I tore my damn ligament.. so after NDP I went for my operation.. and I'm officially on MC till 31Oct.. which means just in time for my ORD which I'm so damn bloody happy for. I really regret being an officer. Anyone reading this post,and if u're in god damn OCS, please think a trillion times before you wanna become an officer. I seriously regret it.

S O L T I T U D E... bloody hell. I feel so lonely and left in a corner of my own. I know people block me on msn and all.. it's just.. I dont know.. haha. I just wanna chat with someone and people ignore me.. :( Sigh...

Anyways.. ZoukOut's coming and I can't wait for it.. Armin Van Buuren's coming to Singapore, I really do hope I can get a picture with him.. oOo.. and of course his autograph. Ah wells... I dont really have much to chat about. Zzz :(

hey, think this will jus be a short entry.. i dont know. just amazing the sequence of events in my army life.
first from Jaguar(BMT) to Tango(OCS)..
and now to my first choice vocation... ARMOURED INFANTRY! it might be a livin' hell or not... but I know that 6more months down the road, I'll be standing there proudly in the parade square.

Yeah, after breaking up.. Depression's bound to set in.. but for the past few days I wasn't that depressed.. maybe I wasn't at all. guess it's jus cause i'm too busy being the CWC(cadet wing commander) of Tango Wing. - jus to digress... it's like the toughest shit job you'll ever get.. planning and answering to every single persons' question. it's hard tryin to please everyone(majority at least), I guess what Cpt. Richard said is so true, I'm bound to make people unhappy as a CWC.
-> ah wells, back to the issue... break-up > depression > life sucks?...
haha, I hope that doesn't happen, I'm trying to escape depression face eh.. I'm sure there's so much to look forward to in life. Yeah, but I guess right now I just wanna make myself get hurt so badly I'll grow immune to it. Make myself think of all the possibilities to why things ended up the way it is now, at least I feel there's 1 that can hurt me so much... which effectively does. Hmmms, hurt I must... I don't have a choice. Hopefully I can get over her like so quickly man. I've learnt that you can't respect a girl too much or maybe even anyone... perhaps it jus applies to relationships.. at least now I know... putting in a 110% effort is not tantamount to producing results. *ponders*

-What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
->this quote was what LTA Poh told me, and it's so damn bloody true. which is why I'm trying to hurt myself as much as possible, knowing I'll grow out of that shell one day and become a stronger person. perhaps to not be so emotionally affected by those around me

Here's to my future life and the rest of the 6month course! I'm so gonna stay positive throughout, not gonna care who backstabs/badmouths me. I swear I'll become stronger, to make myself feel so proud... so God damn proud. Like I'm on top of the world. Make I learn to accept the unhappy past but never forgetting them. Press On! God has a bigger plan for me at the end of the day!

i feel like breaking and crying right now.. it's been so long since i last blogged eh. haha, i've met the most wonderful girl in march.. and now, *sigh*.. i dont even have the strength to type anymore, no will to go on in life. someone please help me...
is it cause of the army? that i've got no time for her... or is it cause she's grown feelings for some other guy?(which i fear but dont believe so..)
i feel so pathetic... for once, i've respected a girl so much and yet.. i couldn't hold out and assure her
ARGH
my mind's s o scrambled
so screwed up..
i dont know what to do anymore... when all you can say is sorry and u've lost all feelings for me..
*starts crying*
haiz
why is this happening to me???? WHY?!?!
do i just move on in life thinking nothing has happened
till the day i see your face and i'd be dumbstruck
depressed
i duno myself anymore..
life's so screwed up...

New Year's here! bet everyone's just damn bloody excited, but I'm like.. crap, it's finally next here.. haha. that just means I'm going army,REALLY SOON!. Like on the 6th and today's already the 1st.. oh man. :S
Okies, so went to Edmond's place both on Friday and Saturday. When over to his place after tennis on friday.. I dint play that much since Greg was like.. shooting I dont know what the whole time.. haha. Yeah, so I think we were picking balls... at least I was. Then we went over to his place to makan and just talk.. haha. Watched "The Longest Yard" not bad, quite funny.. but I've seen funnier Adam Sandler movies. haha...
Yeah, so we had the New Year's party at Edmond's, nothing much to talk about, we just ate like a hell load of food, went swimming, celebrated Rissa's birthday, watched movies and the rest played pool and all.. Hmmm.. some of the peeps were secretly drinking in Ed's room.. haha, and they were drunk. haha.. Darren was calling Nicholas Muthusamy and Nic's just really really funny when he's drunk.. he just goes on laughing and laughing for no reason like a bloody hyena. Yeah, den I went to drink and I got fucking high again.. hmmm, maybe more drunk than the last time I was depressed.. not sure, cause I puked a whole lot more(could it due to more food I ate?)... dint feel really good. haha, maybe I shouldn't have gotten so high in front of the younger ones. so Mel found out.. and he sent us a message to a few of us kinda reprimanding us.. hmmms... think that's about it la. went for Macs breakfast this morning.. yum yum hotcakes.. damn, I'm like bloody fat already la.. haha, how to lose all these excess weight in 5days? :P ah wells..
Oh yeah, went to Orchard after singing for the wedding mass in the morning yesterday and bought 1pair of jeans and 1pair of shoes... FINALLY found a not bad looking pair of adidas climacool shoes, climacool shoes are just the best.. dry up really fast. Yeah, it's really hard to describe.. white.. with black? hmm. wanted the blue one actually, much nicer but they dint have my size anymore.. but this is the same model just diff color.. so just buy lor! lol.. sad to say it only had a 10% discount and the jeans 0% discount. still need to buy some stuff before going into the army.. CHIONG AH!